Ep. 34 - Guilty Pleasures! vol. 3

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[0:01] J.J.: Okay, so what I love about this podcast and what we talk about is it allows me an opportunity to revisit movies that I haven't seen in a while. And I got really excited because I just rewatched a movie that I hadn't seen in a really long time. And prior to the rewatch, I thought that I liked this movie. And then after rewatching it, I realized how bad it was and not in a good way. I rewatched Dante's Peak with Pierce Brosnan and Lynn Hamilton. You've got James Bond and Sarah Connor. Right. What could go wrong? Except everything. We're going to put them in a disaster movie. And I thought, well, this would be a really cool movie to talk about because I thought, this is a really good guilty pleasure movie. Because it could fall into that category. But then as I was watching it, I realized I took no pleasure in watching this movie. It's basically what it came down to. There were so many things.

[1:05] Olaf: Well, it could be someone else's guilty pleasure.

[1:08] J.J.: Yes, you're absolutely right. And I'm sure it is. I'm sure it's on people's guilty pleasures list. And I thought it was on mine. And it was on mine until I rewatched and I went, this movie is just not good. I found myself hate watching it. I found myself just being really critical of it and not liking it.

[1:29] Olaf: Well, that doesn't surprise me. Usually, when we talk about movies, you are hypercritical.

[1:34] J.J.: Well, and this is one of those. Weirdly enough, though, the only time you haven't been hypercritical is when we've brought up the terrible sequels to Indiana Jones and suddenly you're like, we must preserve and defend what was done here.

[1:49] Olaf: I was very critical of Temple of Doom. Let's just note that. And Crystal Skull. However, let's stay on topic here because this movie, of course, and we're not going to talk about this movie, but I rewatched it and I thought, man, I thought I really liked this movie.

[2:07] J.J.: So what you're saying is we need to jump back in and take a look at our guilty pleasures list.

[2:13] Olaf: Yes, I need to take a look back at mine because I have to do some reworking on that.

[2:19] J.J.: All right. Well, if we're going to dive into that, let's get back into the movie theater and check out our guilty pleasures list.

[2:37] J.J.: Hey, everybody, we are back in the movie theater and we are ready once again to tackle all things movies. Today we are revisiting our guilty pleasures list. So if you're just tuning in, what we like to do is we'll each pick three of our guilty pleasure movies and we'll talk about those, break them down, talk about why we love them so much. And that's really what a guilty pleasure is. It's taking a movie that is so knowingly bad, but you just love it anyway. Warts and all, you just love it.

[3:21] Olaf: Absolutely. And when you say knowingly bad, sometimes it's obvious. And other times I feel like the movie is enjoyed by some and because they think it's good and maybe not be knowingly bad, it just could have been better. Or there were certain things that kept it from being universally revered as even a good movie.

[3:40] J.J.: Yeah. Like sometimes it's the budget, the budget's so small that it's going to have a lot of limitations to it. But at times, that lack of a budget really is what gives it its charm.

[4:01] Olaf: Exactly. So I don't know if you want to start.

[4:08] J.J.: You can. I can start.

[4:11] Olaf: Well, I'm really curious to hear what your first movie is, especially since you've already edited your list before we started.

[4:16] J.J.: I did. I got to tell you, this was like a midnight decision last night. I finished one. I was like, no. And then I went through my list and I was able to locate a movie and I rewatched it knowing that we were going to talk about this topic today. And so now I'm ready to go, but I'm not even going to start with that movie. I will say that I love doing these guilty pleasure episodes because it's nice to go down memory lane, but it's even better when I'm able to rewatch the movie as well, because some of these guilty pleasures, I don't have access to the movie. It's so obscure or old it's not available anywhere. I can't buy it. I can't rent it. I can't stream it. So it's really nice. And thankfully my list today, I was able to revisit all of them.

[5:03] Olaf: Same. And unlike you, my library isn't as big. I just like, and I've mentioned this before, I haven't purchased a DVD in over a decade. And I got really late in the game of purchasing digital copies of things. And at this point I'm like, I don't have the wherewithal or the funds to super invest in replenishing my library. So I've got a great list of movies, but a lot of these I don't have access to. So I'm kind of going, well, I can't talk about this one because I'd really like to rewatch it first. I'm not saying that I have the financial fortitude to be doing this either. But like anyone who collects something, there's almost this need to get something.

[5:53] J.J.: I've gotten more frugal and strict about when I purchase a movie. I don't just do it as willy nilly anymore. But I tell you what, when a nice gem pops up, I've got to have it.

[6:06] Olaf: Sure. Absolutely. I totally understand that. So I will start off with my first movie and I will tell you this, my list is going to go from, I feel like somewhat guilty pleasure to guilty pleasure to unapologetically guilty pleasure. So it's going to kind of build on itself.

[6:22] J.J.: I would hope that each of yours would be a guilty, but that's the point of this episode.

[6:26] Olaf: They are, but I think some people are going to be like, yeah, I did that movie. And other people will be like, oh man, okay, this is what I'm saying. So my first movie, Save a Private Ryan, was a huge blockbuster hit in the late nineties. This movie came out in 1997. It was a summer tentpole action movie. And it is, this movie is so bad. It's great. Like most of these movies we talk about, it's got a great cast of actors that they've assembled for this action pick starring Nicolas Cage, John Malkovich. That's the giveaway. Ving Rhames, John Cusack, Danny Trejo. I'm talking about Con Air. This was on my guilty pleasure list. I got to cross it off now.

[7:19] J.J.: This movie is, I mean, I thoroughly enjoy this movie. This is what I would consider to be quintessential guilty pleasure because it's not a good movie. It's entertaining. It's so fun, but it's so bad. It's great. I mean, Nicolas Cage's Alabama accent and his hair extensions alone are worth just checking it out. At this point, if you haven't seen Con Air, I mean, go check it out. It's been out for almost 30 years and it is, it was a huge hit in the nineties. It's still big now. I only have two problems with Con Air because other than that, it's a masterpiece.

[8:07] Olaf: I'm so bummed that you got this before me. This is on my list. The only two problems I have with this movie, and they're both with Nicolas Cage, is the mullet. What a mullet. I don't like it.

[8:25] J.J.: No, it's awful. It's entirely distracting.

[8:28] Olaf: And his accent.

[8:30] J.J.: This is what I just said.

[8:30] Olaf: The southern drawl he's got on there. Those are the two things I just, that's my problem with that.

[8:36] J.J.: The accent—

[8:37] Olaf: Other than that, brilliant.

[8:38] J.J.: The accent was his decision. It was his choice. He was like, I want to do this Alabama accent. From what I understand—

[8:44] Olaf: I'm pretty sure everything he does was his decision.

[8:47] J.J.: Well, from what I understand, John Cusack did not enjoy making this movie at all. He and John Malkovich will clearly state that they did this for the money, and Cusack said, I did this so I would have leverage to do other projects that I wanted to do. So no doubt, the dialogue is so over the top. It's great. This is what I'm saying. You're calling this a masterpiece, so I can only imagine if you had had this on your side of the list, what you would be saying about it, the high praise you would be giving it.

[9:15] Olaf: Absolutely. What a thrill ride. It's so fun. Cusack, I could kind of buy, maybe not enjoying himself, but he still puts in a solid performance. But Malkovich, he is eating up that scenery. I think he had a lot of fun doing that movie.

[9:30] J.J.: Nobody's phoning that in. I'm not saying that anybody gave a lazy performance because they all seem to be very invested and into this 100%. However, when you look at it, and it's not like it doesn't age well, it's just the cheese factor of the movie is increased over time. We've got the slow motion and the dynamic camera shots. It's diehard on a plane full of convicts, so much so that even John Cusack tells Nicolas Cage in the movie, you're just always in the wrong place at the wrong time. He says that to Nicolas Cage's character in the movie. Gosh, this is just the best. I eat this movie up. I want to watch it right now because it's just so good. So I had it on and my wife walks in to the living room. She goes, I love this movie. I go, well, yeah, why wouldn't anybody love this movie because it's so entertaining. It checks off all of the action boxes. It checks off all of those types of things.

[10:45] J.J.: Here's the other thing about this movie for me. Con Air and Face Off came out a month apart in the summer of 97.

[10:56] Olaf: Were they that close?

[10:56] J.J.: Yes, they were that close. It's unbelievable. But then you have Michael T. Williamson from Forrest Gump channeling his Bubba Gump character. He gets shot towards the end of the movie questioning. He's looking at Nicolas Cage in the eyes and he's like, he just got shot in the abdomen. You don't know if he's going to make it. He looks at Nicolas Cage. He goes, I'm just wondering if there's a God. Without hesitation, Nicolas Cage says, I'm about to show you that there is a God. He does it in this accent. Then he goes and he gets shot in the arm and he takes the plane. The best example of his accent is when he's in the belly of the plane and one of the other convicts finds his care package box and it's got the stuffed bunny back in the box. Then later, Malkovich puts a gun to the bunny and he delivers this super cheesy line that I can't remember. He's going to shoot the head off of the stuffed bunny if something happens.

[12:04] J.J.: The only other thing I want to say about Con Air before we move on, because again, we're not going to do a deep dive into these movies, but we could do a whole thing on Nicolas Cage and his summer of 97. There is an actress in this movie who's in a very minor role who doesn't do much in this movie. She shares a couple of scenes with John Cusack. Her name is Angela Featherstone. Nobody would know who this actress is by name, but she plays Ginny, the young agent. People will know her for the role she had right before this and right after this. Right before she did Con Air, she played Chloe, the copy machine girl that Ross hooks up with in Friends when he and Rachel are on a break. Then she follows up Con Air with the role of Linda, Adam Sandler's fiancée, who leaves him at the altar in The Wedding Singer. She plays this agent in Con Air. Anyway, Con Air, again, total guilty pleasure. I love it. It's so bad. I'm not going to sit here, though, and sit here and tell you that it's a great movie.

[13:06] Olaf: That's the funny part is this is your movie and I think I love it more than you do.

[13:12] J.J.: You do, but I love it. I love it because it's so fun. It's so ridiculous. Ving Rhames is also in it as Diamond Dog, one of the convicts. David Chappelle is in it. You've got a great cast.

[13:25] Olaf: You do. The head Libyan in Back to the Future, who's shooting out of the van in Back to the Future, plays the convict that gets set on fire in Con Air by Dave Chappelle.

[13:39] J.J.: But you haven't even mentioned one of the best little cameo characters, Steve Buscemi.

[13:46] Olaf: Oh, you're right. I totally forgot about Garland Green, and he's great. He is great in this movie. He's like the hidden gem in Con Air, Steve Buscemi's understated Hannibal Lecter-type character.

[13:59] J.J.: Yeah, he even gets to wear the mask and he's wheeled in on one of those gurneys. Again, so over the top and so sort of on the nose. Huge action, big explosions. It's absolutely absurd in its concept, and I love it.

[14:19] J.J.: So there you have it. Number one for me on this list of guilty pleasures tonight is Con Air.

[14:24] Olaf: Wow. Okay. I mean, you really came and not only did you swing hard on that one, but you swung.

[14:30] J.J.: So hard you hit it off of my list and I'm a little annoyed. Yes, damn, I love that that was on. I was like, I can't wait to cover that one day. One day was today. All right, well, here is my list. My number one—or it's not my, they're not ranked in any particular order—but the first one on my list, we're going to stick with the theme of action. And this movie came out in 1985. Okay, you'll be surprised as far as reviews go, it's on the plus side. It's got a Metascore of 51 and a Rotten Tomatoes of 67. And Olaf, you're giving me is 85 action movie that is—that's a lot. Stars the Austrian oak, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[15:08] Olaf: Oh, I know exactly what this is. This—oh, this is great. This is not—are you okay? Go ahead.

[15:15] J.J.: This is absolutely a guilty pleasure. It is a perfect example of '80s machismo. It's all about guns and explosions and beating people up and big muscles. We're talking about 1985's *Commando*. This would not even be a guilty pleasure; this is just straight pleasure. This is a great action movie. See, I watch this movie and love it very much, so everything about it, but I can watch it and go, this is not a good movie.

[15:44] Olaf: I'll agree. Not put together well, but it is—I love it. You've got Arnold Schwarzenegger with one of the best names in movie history, John Matrix. You've got Alyssa Milano. I think she just finished filming like season one of *Who's the Boss*.

[16:07] J.J.: Yeah, I think you're right. You've got Vernon Wells from *Mad Max*, who we'll get to him in a second. Ray Don Chong. You've got Bill Duke, who would go on to work with Arnie in *Predator*, be on his team. You even have, much to my annoyance, a young Bill Paxton.

[16:35] Olaf: Really? I don't remember that.

[16:37] J.J.: He's a Coast Guard radar.

[16:39] Olaf: Oh yeah, it's a short amount of time. He's talking to Arnold over the comms when he's trying to fly to the island.

[16:46] J.J.: And oh, I was like, no man, like him cutting down—it was he cut down a tree at the beginning of the movie and he just like picks it up. He's just carrying it over his shoulder. This was directed by Mark Lester, and this is apparently his favorite movie.

[17:09] Olaf: Oh.

[17:10] J.J.: At the end of the movie, they have a big shootout at this like island mansion.

[17:15] Olaf: Yeah, yeah, it's the same mansion from *Beverly Hills Cop*.

[17:19] J.J.: Is it? Yeah. Oh, I don't see—I need to re-watch *Commando*. Dan plays like the ethnic bad guy, like the—was he Cuban or—

[17:30] Olaf: Well, they don't say specifically. It's a made-up location that has been used in other movies, but he also has a made-up accent too.

[17:37] J.J.: Oh, absolutely, with it. And he's got quite a tan going on.

[17:41] Olaf: Oh, I'm sure how real that tan is. We can't forget also about David Patrick Kelly, who plays Sully, and in my opinion, my favorite—one of my favorite characters in this movie because he's that—he's that little guy. He's—but he doesn't feel like it. He always plays these characters. He looks so tiny.

[18:03] J.J.: He is tiny, but this guy is like a theater method actor who obviously was in *Warriors*, later in *The Crow* with Brandon Lee. But in this movie, man, I love him in this movie because he's just so sure of himself. He's just playing one of the hired guns for the villains, and he's supposed to be part of the escort to get John Matrix to this other location to do a bad thing while they hold his daughter hostage. Now, he gets him on the plane and then he leaves, and then he's just a sleazy criminal guy, but you like him. It's not like you don't like him; you like him.

[19:02] Olaf: Well, even Arnold Schwarzenegger is like, I like you, Sully. That's why I'm going to kill you last.

[19:09] J.J.: I thought you said you were going to kill me last.

[19:12] Olaf: I lied.

[19:14] J.J.: And then he throws him off the cliff. And then Ray Don Chong is like, where did he go? And he's like, I let him go. The one-liners—the one-liners in this movie are just so good. I love them so much.

[19:27] Olaf: They are.

[19:28] J.J.: This movie is—this is a great choice because this is a movie that I watched a ton on TV because there's no way I should ever be watching this unedited in '85.

[19:39] Olaf: And the thing is, there's not a lot to edit out of it.

[19:42] J.J.: There's not a ton of swearing.

[19:43] Olaf: Well, there's some language.

[19:44] J.J.: There's some language, but not a lot. But it's a lot of the—it's more about the violence of it too because it's Arnold, and he's sort of on this revenge. I just re-watched this a couple days ago, and even the violence is pretty toned down compared to today.

[20:03] Olaf: Sure.

[20:04] J.J.: Compared to today. But if you're looking at it as a seven-year-old, eight-year-old in the '80s, this is about as brutal as it gets in terms of showing stuff. It just looked cool because there's not a ton of blood. It's mostly just people getting shot up with squibs or flying through the air with explosions. But like when he has—when he gets to the beach and then they do this whole montage, and this was classic of us, the loan too, where they have to gear up. Well, he gets into the—you forget he gets into the little raft in a speedo.

[20:51] Olaf: In a speedo.

[20:52] J.J.: And you just get to watch him row away, and the muscles are just everywhere because that's necessary. And then, yeah, the whole suiting up with the vests and the guns—oh, it's awesome. No, this is a great movie. You mentioned—you mentioned Vernon Wells, who plays Bennett. And of course, in the movie, you find out that they were kind of like partners. Are they in the same unit together or something?

[21:15] Olaf: Okay, so Vernon Wells himself has described his look in the movie as Freddie Mercury on steroids.

[21:22] J.J.: That's a good comparison, sort of, because if you look him up from the movie, he looks just like Freddie Mercury. He's got the mustache, the short hair.

[21:30] Olaf: Yeah, nothing about him is on steroids.

[21:32] J.J.: No, this is true. He's just bigger. He's just a bigger guy. They kept talking about the reason why his clothes look so tight is because originally it was another actor in the role, and then when Vernon came in, he just took over the role in the costume. And then the whole on steroids thing—every time he's on screen, nothing about him says, I am in shape. He has no muscle definition; he's got quite a gut. And the times that you have to see him like kind of run or jog or be physical, it looks rough.

[22:10] Olaf: And he's got like—he's going, and then he's going up against Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[22:15] J.J.: Yeah, to me, there's—that's not even a fight. Arnold is the only one that Bennett fights of any worth because I think—isn't Bennett supposed to be like really good with the blade? That's like his thing, right? He's like really good with a knife.

[22:28] Olaf: Yeah, he's all—yeah, he's got a gun on him. And then Arnold, who's injured now, so he apparently can't be at the top of his fighting game.

[22:35] J.J.: Yeah, because he just took out a whole army, by the way. He's like talking about, you don't want to shoot me; you want to put the knife in me. That's what you want. And Vernon Davis just goes for it in this scene. He's just like, I don't need the gun; I don't need the guy.

[22:51] Olaf: Yeah, Vernon. Yeah, yeah, he screams, and he's coming out. He's so over the top. I just—you do at this point, you do kind of want him to break out into some sort of Freddie Mercury song. Like, I want to break free. Like, he really wanted him to break out into some sort of Queen rock song.

[23:05] J.J.: No, this is a great pick. And I don't—if you haven't seen *Commando*, like this one, I feel it's kind of hard to locate, which is unfortunately on streaming. It's somewhere.

[23:15] Olaf: Somewhere.

[23:16] J.J.: It definitely does fit the guilty pleasure definition because I think every kid—'80s action, perfect. And every kid who saw this movie and young adult who saw this movie will hold this movie in such high regard because the memory of it is so awesome because it's so impactful in such an action sort of way. I watched this, and I think I immediately ran outside and pretended to have a gun and then would pretend to get blown up and go flying.

[23:39] Olaf: Yeah, you know, just playing war in the backyard.

[23:41] J.J.: Right, right, right. So no, that's solid. I don't—that's going to be hard to follow up. I feel like my next one is—we are going to be taking it down a little bit in terms of the bravado, the machismo sort of factor. We came out with Nick—a jacked Nick Cage and a jacked Arnold for our first two movies. My second pick, which was the late addition to my list, by the way, before this replaced *Dante's Peak*, this movie came out in 2003. It is based off of a Michael Crichton book. So for some reason, after *Jurassic Park*, the studios just couldn't seem to get a Michael Crichton book adaptation correctly done. Correctly.

[24:32] Olaf: Um, we already talked about *Congo*.

[24:34] J.J.: Yes, we did. And as I've mentioned, a movie studio not being able to get the book done correctly—*Congo* so much. You're the best. My second pick, or second movie on this list, is a Michael Crichton book. It's *Timeline*, starring Paul Walker.

[24:51] Olaf: Oh my gosh.

[24:52] J.J.: Gerard Butler popped in my head, Billy Connolly. And the movie is directed by Richard Donner. Richard Donner had this—surprisingly, surprisingly, he had this way of like directing these really great classic, timeless movies, and then he sprinkled in these other movies which are very entertaining. I've got a few others on my list that I will mention later. But this movie, Billy Connolly plays this archaeologist who's doing a dig of this famous castle called Castle Guard, which is obviously a fictitious castle about a battle that took place in the 14th century. And his son is played by Paul Walker. And all of you, like, all of a sudden, you don't know what's going on, but then they start discovering information that was from the past that the father had left.

Before you know it, you realize there's this big organization that has created a way to time travel, or in this case, they found a wormhole that's very specific to this particular date. And so they send—they go back in time. It's Gerard Butler and Paul Walker and Frances O'Connor, and David Thewlis plays the guy who's in charge of the company and in the project. And then you've also got Neil McDonough, Michael Sheen plays, yeah, Lord Oliver, who's like the Englishman who's, you know, fighting the French. And then you have Anna Friel from *Pushing Daisies*—from your show, Olaf—*Pushing Daisies* from back in the day. Gosh, that's a—I wish this was back to the TV theater because, oh man, what a show.

And that would be a forgotten gem that a lot of people don't know about. But I digress. So this movie is—it's like an hour and 50 minutes. It's an adventure movie because something happens in the present that will affect them getting back home because they only have like six hours to find the father and to get back home. And of course, there's a lot of factors on both sides that prevent—like a lot of the conflict that prevent these things from happening right away. But I just—I've always really enjoyed this movie because it is—it's this—not—I don't think a lot of people have heard it, and if they have, it didn't do well. The studio really interfered with this movie. Richard Donner had to recut this movie three times just so the studio would release it.

Well, my Michael Crichton, he actually gave up the rights for this movie for free. But he did make a deal—a deal on the back end. But apparently, he hated it. He did not like this movie so much that he refused to give any movie rights to any of his books moving forward. And it wasn't until after he died that Steven Spielberg, who was a really good friend of his, was able to buy the rights to another one of Crichton's books. But yeah, this movie, again, is—it's very popcorn. It's a little cookie cutter; there's not a whole lot there. But it's just—is this really sort of fun adventure swashbuckling movie. This is pre—this is pre-*300* for Gerard Butler, who apparently wasn't the first choice for his role. Pierce Brosnan was offered the role of Marek and turned it down, which to me was a bit of an odd choice because Pierce Brosnan was much older.

[28:27] Olaf: Yes, Gerard Butler.

[28:28] J.J.: Yeah, that doesn't fit. No, but then Gerard Butler took it over. And again, this was pre-*300*, so even prior to this movie, Gerard Butler wasn't a name. He wasn't like a household name; not a lot of people knew who he was because he did this, and then he did like *Phantom of the Opera*, and then he did *300*, and then he was—then he was Gerard Butler. I don't know. I don't have a whole lot to say except that I really enjoy this movie. It's—yeah, it's a lot of fun to just sit down and...

[29:00] J.J.: Turn your brain off. Because if you overthink this movie, it's going to hurt you, because they overlook a lot of stuff with this. Like, just the science of it all. Like, when they go back in time, they overlook the fact that they would not even be able to understand what any of those characters were saying. Right, none of them were speaking these languages. This was like the mid-14th century. And let alone, like, you know, possible diseases. Because one of them makes out with a girl from the past. She'd be dead. Well, this is what I'm saying. That's the Anna Friel character. She plays Lady Clare. And she's great. I mean, that's the other thing, too. They all do such a great job. I mean, I never, I don't ever watch this movie going, oh, this is like, oof, cheesy, or the acting is, or the writing.

It's all pretty solid. Go for it. I mean, Michael Sheen is great, too. He got Richard Donner. Yeah, and Richard Donner does a really good job, as he always has, as he always did, with putting together the script and the movie and everything else to make it a serviceable picture and something that's enjoyable, even if it may or may not have done as well as it could have, or it wasn't a huge commercial success, either. I do enjoy this movie. It's been a while since I've watched it. It is fun. It's got a little bit of swashbuckle to it. Yeah. Yeah. Just sit down, turn your brain off, and enjoy the ride, and you'll have a great time. It's definitely worth a watch. I need to rewatch it. Absolutely.

That's all you got? That's all I got. Again, this was like, it's ebbs and flows, right? Ebbs and flows. We came out hot. Boom, I'm bringing us down a little bit with a chance to catch our breath and passing it back over to you.

[30:44] Olaf: All right. Well, then I'm bringing up the adrenaline. Okay. Get ready. This next one came out in 1995. Okay. I love this movie. When it came out, I would get it on VHS and watch it over and over. Oh, okay. Okay. Maybe I might know it. I bought the soundtrack. Oh, no, nevermind. I wouldn't normally have this kind of music. What's the genre? Oh, it's action. It's action. It's got a meta score of 60. People love this movie. It's got a Rotten Tomatoes of 47. On a side note, I love that you give the meta score and the Rotten Tomatoes. I really do. That's something that I have not been doing, but I do love that you give that to give the movie itself some context. This movie is cheese, and awesome, and great from the get-go.

You don't even see the full opening logo of whatever studio or whatever is happening as the movie starts, but you hear a voice screaming out from the darkness before it goes right into the music, and you just know from that moment, this is what you're in for. Oh, I am talking about Mortal Kombat.

[32:05] J.J.: No! Christopher Lambert as Raiden, Bridget Wilson, Johnny Cage. This movie is so bad. It's so bad, it's bad. I loved it then, I love it now. I just rewatched it the other day, and I was like, yeah, this holds up. What's funny is I love to sit back. It does not hold up to what? What are we holding it up to? There are a couple times where they use CGI visual effects, and those do not hold up at all. This movie is so terrible. They are terrible. Bridget Wilson as Sonya Blade, you got Lyndon Ashby as Johnny Cage. You're going to name a bunch of other people that nobody's ever heard of after Christopher Lambert and Bridget Wilson, and people don't even know Bridget Wilson. She married Pete Sampras later. Nobody knows who these people are.

[33:00] Olaf: What? You don't know Bridget Wilson? Of course I do. I know who Bridget Wilson is. She's great, and she was great in this. Let me tell you, the fighting in this is hilarious, because if you really watch it now, when I was a kid in '95, I was like, this is awesome. They look so good. I watch it now, and I still love it, but I love it because of how bad it is. They don't look capable at all. A lot of times, there's this one scene where the three main characters, Liu Kang, Sonya Blade, and Johnny Cage, are all fighting these thugs. You don't realize how many times the camera pans to them, and all they're doing is martial art poses that look cool.

[34:50] J.J.: Yeah. Because at one point, Robin Shou, who plays Liu Kang, they do a shot of him where literally, there's no bad guys next to him. He's standing next to a staircase. He puts his hands on the railing, does kind of a half-hearted cartwheel over it, and then poses. And then it goes to another shot of somebody else. That is fantastic. I love it. You do have Talisa Soto, who was somewhat of a Bond girl in License to Kill with Timothy Dalton. She's in it as well, for what it's worth, but I mean—

[35:30] Olaf: And you got Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa, who plays Shang Tsung, who he's done a lot, and he even comes back to the franchise as a voice for the video games and stuff. What makes this movie so bad, and there's a lot of things, but Christopher Lambert, at some point in his career, for whatever limited acting skills he had prior to this movie, he does not have anymore once this movie happens, because he is so awful in this film, so bad that he didn't come back for the sequel that they clearly got Greenland made.

[36:05] J.J.: Oh my gosh, this movie is an hour and 40 minutes, and I would swear that it's only an hour, because they rush through everything. The whole opening, they have to get a scene of each hero in their respective arenas, finding out about the tournament and going, and they fly through it so fast. It's so ridiculous.

[36:06] J.J.: Well, that was because no one liked the script and everything.

[36:10] Olaf: But they loved this script. This was Paul W.S. Anderson's very first movie, and he basically lied to get in, because they were like, it's got to have a lot of visual effects, and he had no experience with visual effects. He was like, yeah, sure, I know visual effects. Well, it shows.

[36:27] J.J.: I think for '95, I thought he did a great job. Well, what clearly saves this movie is the music, and you mentioned the soundtrack. The soundtrack is awesome.

[36:36] Olaf: It is, and let me tell you, I have never been a huge EDM fan. Every once in a while, I might hear something, and I'm like, oh, I like that. It's got a nice beat. But this movie, oh my gosh, I loved the soundtrack. And the whole movie starts off, you just hear this voice yell, Mortal Kombat! And then it goes into the opening sequence, and...

[37:03] Olaf: I will give Bridget Wilson a lot of credit, because she does all of her own stunts in this movie, and she did train as best as she could, and she got a lot of injuries on set, but at no point, sadly, in the movie, does she look like she knows what she's doing.

[37:52] J.J.: She doesn't. All of her stances and fights, everything looks so stiff. And to the studio's credit, this movie, they clearly cast... The biggest name in this movie is Christopher Lambert, and that ain't saying a whole lot, so the money that they spent to cast this movie wasn't a lot. But they probably didn't spend a lot of money, and it made a lot of money. I have this vivid memory of going over to my friend Eric's house, and these are friends that I still have today. He and my friend Neil had just gone to see the movie. I don't know why I didn't go, except I can only imagine that I didn't think it was going to be good, so I didn't go see it.

[38:30] Olaf: Oh, it was so good.

[38:31] J.J.: But I walk into his parents' house, and we were like junior singers in high school. I walk into his parents' house, and they have got the music on in the living room, and they're fighting. They're fake fighting, because they had just seen Mortal Kombat.

[38:44] Olaf: Of course.

[38:45] J.J.: It was hilarious. I was like, oh boy.

[38:48] Olaf: That's awesome.

[38:51] J.J.: Yeah. The video game itself was super popular, as well as controversial.

[38:56] Olaf: Very controversial.

[38:58] J.J.: But it turns out Steven Spielberg was an avid fan of the series. He loved the game, and he was actually supposed to be in the movie in a cameo.

[39:11] Olaf: Oh, wow.

[39:11] J.J.: But he couldn't do it due to scheduling conflicts, and it forced him to have to back out.

[39:18] Olaf: Due to having pride in himself.

[39:20] J.J.: No, no, no. He wanted to do it. But they kept the scene in, and they had a guy that looks just like him do the scene. So it's almost like he's still in the movie.

[39:32] Olaf: That's hilarious.

[39:33] J.J.: But I mean, the movie itself is utter garbage. But again, we're not talking about these movies because they're Citizen Kane.

[39:42] Olaf: The Metascore would disagree with you.

[39:48] J.J.: I love Mortal Kombat. I think it's great. I do not feel guilty watching it.

[39:53] Olaf: You should. You should feel very guilty, and it's on the guilty pleasure.

[39:57] J.J.: You should feel guilty. I used to watch it over and over again as a kid, and I just watched it again and had a great time. So if people are listening to this, I want you to remember this conversation and bank it in anytime we talk about other things. And he's coming at me for things I put on. Listen, things like that. Just remember, he loves Mortal Kombat, and we'll watch it over and over and over again because he thinks it's great. Just remember, everybody, that if you've listened to any of these episodes prior to this moment, you'll have learned that J.J. hates most movies, but he really likes Crystal Skull and Dial of Destiny.

[40:43] Olaf: Oh, well, see, now people are definitely going to believe that because you know nobody likes Crystal Skull.

[40:48] J.J.: And nobody likes Dial of Destiny either.

[40:50] Olaf: Well, nobody.

[40:52] J.J.: I don't like to use generalizations even in life, but I'm pretty confident that no one likes Crystal Skull.

[41:05] Olaf: Oh my gosh, you're going there?

[41:07] J.J.: I am going to be mentioning and talking about the action film Masters of the Universe.

[41:11] Olaf: So is your next movie, is your third movie Dial of Destiny?

[41:14] J.J.: My third movie is Dial of Destiny.

[41:15] Olaf: Oh boy.

[41:17] Olaf: That's a guilty pleasure.

[41:17] J.J.: Starring Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Courtney Cox, and Mr. Strickland from Back to the Future.

[41:19] J.J.: My third movie, if I feel as I continue to give you grief about Mortal Kombat, I feel like my third and final movie on this list is kind of right there with it in terms of...

[41:25] Olaf: Nobody needs to know Mr. Strickland's real name.

[41:28] J.J.: Nobody even needs to know his character's name in Masters of the Universe. He's Mr. Strickland, and that's how we're going to be referring to him in this conversation. Masters of the Universe is clearly a movie I watched a ton when I was a kid. The special effects are so cheeseball. The dialogue is so over the top. I mean, everything is so Shakespearean with these villains. I mean, Skeletor is basically channeling Richard III. Evil Lynn, played by Meg Foster, who was cast because she's got those awesome blue-green eyes. She always got cast in these movies strictly because of that. She plays Evil Lynn. And then Courtney Cox plays Julie. She's just another character. So this movie, even the studio said they don't follow the cartoon in terms of He-Man is Prince Adam and he's got the lion and all that.

They don't follow the cartoon at all. They went in this other direction where He-Man is this warrior. He's got a sword and a gun. But the studio also didn't want He-Man killing any humans. So all of Skeletor's army are, even though they look human, they're actually machines. But everything is so campy. It's so over the top. They wanted to, and I didn't know this because obviously Dolph Lundgren had just done Rocky IV, where he plays a Russian. But his English, I guess, wasn't as solid as they wanted it to be. And so they were going to dub his voice for the whole film. And then they were going to have him dub it later. And they just ran out of time and money. And so he used it himself. But it's not bothersome. I mean, he's very serviceable and fine as using his own voice.

[41:33] Olaf: Wow, okay.

[41:34] J.J.: Because so far, I love Con Air, and I really enjoy Timeline too. I like Con Air so much, it sounded more like I loved it and you didn't.

[41:43] Olaf: No.

[41:45] J.J.: So my third and final movie for this is a movie that came out in 1987.

[41:50] Olaf: Okay.

[41:51] J.J.: It's based off of A Line of Toys by Hasbro. It is an action movie from the same company and production company that gave us Superman 4 Quest for Peace.

[43:22] Olaf: Yeah, he's fine. It's hard to define this movie because it's so far from the source material.

[43:31] J.J. Gonzalez: That it's weird to call it Masters of the Universe and him as He-Man because there is nothing, there's almost nothing in it recognizable to the source material.

[43:37] Olaf Adsit: Exactly. No, no, no. It was really strictly, we need to sell toys. That's basically what they were trying to do is sell toys. Frank Langella, who to me is the prize gem of this movie.

[43:47] J.J. Gonzalez: Oh, absolutely. In any way, in any moment of this movie, do you not believe everything he's saying? He, and it never comes across cheesy, like he takes this awful dialogue and he makes it so eloquent and so amazing that you wish you could have seen his face because he's in this, obviously, this skeletal mask.

[44:03] Olaf Adsit: He has said on record that this is one of his favorite roles ever.

[44:11] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah, he did it for his son. His son would be running around the house shouting, by the power of Greyskull. He's like, so I took the role. What kid was him? This is what I'm saying. He-Man was huge.

[44:27] Olaf Adsit: Yeah, and he was like writing some of his own dialogue. To me, he and Evil-Lyn, played by Meg Foster, are so great in this movie because they are in this camp movie, but they're giving these Shakespearean performances.

[44:41] J.J. Gonzalez: That still even now, like I just watched it a couple of days ago and I was like, well, I love these guys. These guys are great. I'm sorry. I apologize for whatever, but you clearly, like you said, Frank Langella is one of his favorite movies. This is just basically an hour and 45 minute action movie. The sorceress has been kidnapped. There's a cosmic key that's been created by one of the people, or I don't even know what Billy-

[45:09] Olaf Adsit: He's a made up character.

[45:11] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah, named Gwildor, played by Billy Barty. Billy Barty is a legend in his own right. He was in everything in the 80s as a little person. He was in Foul Play and Under the Rainbow. Willow.

[45:24] Olaf Adsit: And he plays this very unrecognizable. His character is just as annoying as everybody else's. The only person that I really actually thought did a great job in the good guy team was the actor who played Master at Arms. He, like Frank Langella and Meg Foster-

[45:41] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah, he was into it. He delivered his dialogue with some foundation. Everything was very grounded, even though everything in the movie was so over the top.

[46:00] Olaf Adsit: Well, he was playing mostly just a soldier, a real soldier.

[46:05] J.J. Gonzalez: He was. Nothing like his character in the cartoon.

[46:11] Olaf Adsit: Yeah. No, not at all. Yeah, you're right. But they end up going back and back to, they don't go back in time. They just go to Earth. You find that Courtney Cox has lost her parents in a plane crash and she's going to move out of state because she needs to get away.

[46:26] J.J. Gonzalez: She's not even going to graduate high school. And her boyfriend is in a band and Kevin, who she needs to get away from Kevin. But every time she sees him, she loves him and she can't be without him. But she needs to get away from him for the memories. And sure, I get it.

[46:39] Olaf Adsit: Well, so they find the cosmic key. They assume it's some sort of instrument. So they start pushing all the buttons, which sends up a signal to Evil Lynn and Skeletor to go find it. So then they go in and they recruit these mercenaries that are so over the top. And this whole movie is over the top. It is so but it's so great.

[47:03] J.J. Gonzalez: And then Mr. Strickland shows up. And all kidding aside, the actor's name is James Tolkien. But let's just call him Mr. Strickland because he had just done Back to the Future. And then like he plays basically the same character.

[47:13] Olaf Adsit: It's like if Mr. Strickland decided everything.

[47:18] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah, he he's a principal by day. And he's moonlighting as a cop at night in this. And when he's not and when he's on vacation, he's on an aircraft carrier chewing out Maverick for.

[47:29] Olaf Adsit: Right. Exactly. Exactly. Back to the Future, Top Gun. And now he's and now he's in Masters of the Universe. But at one point, he's he's given a shotgun in the movie. Of course, this movie came out before Back to the Future, too.

[47:39] J.J. Gonzalez: But now seeing it later, all I wanted him to yell when he got that shotgun was eat lead slackers.

[47:45] Olaf Adsit: But he doesn't, which is unfortunate. He does get an opportunity to do that in Back to the Future too.

[47:49] J.J. Gonzalez: Everybody else is sort of serviceable. I mean, Dolph Lundgren said he really didn't enjoy making this movie at all. It was very like he didn't have a great experience. It was a nightmare, he said. They shot two months of night shooting.

[48:00] Olaf Adsit: Yeah, it had a lot to do with Canon. And yeah, the changes and the lack of money and all that stuff.

[48:05] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah. And the and you can it shows too, because like Superman four the special effects, you can see where it just they didn't they the money wasn't there. This movie takes a lot of credit for the reason Canon went under, even though it was kind of a one to punch with this and Superman four.

[48:26] Olaf Adsit: But Superman had more potential to be better if they hadn't diverted all that cash and shave that budget way down.

[48:32] J.J. Gonzalez: Well, they were hoping that they would use the success of these two movies. They had a Spider-Man movie that they wanted to get. Yes, get done. They had that all kind of in the works and all this other stuff.

[48:49] Olaf Adsit: And this movie clearly didn't do well because it's it's it's not good, but it's so fun for me because a lot of it is like as a child, you're watching it and you're like, Yes, this is so great.

[49:00] J.J. Gonzalez: So yeah, Masters of the Universe. It's total cheese. It's total late 80s. It's I feel I came out the same year as Monster Squad, which you mentioned in a previous episode. It definitely has that sort of vibe to it.

[49:12] Olaf Adsit: And so yeah, that is that is my number three on on my guilty pleasures list for for this episode.

[49:18] J.J. Gonzalez: That's a solid guilty pleasure movie. I don't like it as much as you do, but if it were on, I'd probably watch it if you hadn't seen it in a while.

[49:30] Olaf Adsit: Like if you hadn't seen it in a while, then for me, it was like, I'm curious, is this do I still like this like I did? And then I'm like, yeah, this is it's so bad, but it's so good.

[49:40] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah. For me, it'd be more like, do I still tolerate this like I did?

[49:46] Olaf Adsit: Ha ha ha. See, that's how I am with Mortal Kombat. I can't with with Mortal Kombat. I can't.

[49:51] J.J. Gonzalez: Oh, man. Oh, wow. That's so good. Well, OK, so yeah, that's pretty good. So we've really stuck with the action kind of machismo movies this episode. So with that being said, my last movie is not that is a comedy. It is a comedy. The star of this comedy is as far from muscle bound machismo as you can get.

[50:11] Olaf Adsit: OK, I think that the movie still holds up. I think kids today at a certain age could still really enjoy this. I actually mentioned that I was about to talk about this movie at work to a guy who's like 20 years younger than me, and he loves this movie.

[50:27] J.J. Gonzalez: So this movie came out in 1991. It has a Metascore of 38 and a Rotten Tomatoes of 25. This movie, I love this movie so much. Guys, I'm talking about earnest, scared, stupid.

[51:00] Olaf Adsit: Oh, Jim Varney, Jim Varney, Eartha Kitt, a little Halloween earnest movie where he fights a troll that's turning children into small wooden dolls so that he can create a troll army.

[51:17] J.J. Gonzalez: It's one of those things where you go, tell me you're a child of this certain era without telling me you're a child about this. And you just put a picture of Jim Varney as earnest and that does it.

[51:29] Olaf Adsit: Man, it would seem like every year they were coming out with another earnest movie.

[51:35] J.J. Gonzalez: So Jim Varney created the earnest P Worrell character.

[51:39] Olaf Adsit: What a great character.

[51:40] J.J. Gonzalez: It's his most famous character, and it propelled him into the public eye. He became known doing it because he was doing commercials.

[51:48] Olaf Adsit: Yeah.

[51:48] J.J. Gonzalez: It was just all these commercials for different brands of things, and it was just him talking to the camera, which the camera and you were his best friend, Vern.

[51:59] Olaf Adsit: Yeah, Vern.

[52:00] J.J. Gonzalez: And so he'd always be like, know what I mean, Vern?

[52:03] Olaf Adsit: Know what I mean, Vern? Oh, man, so good.

[52:05] J.J. Gonzalez: He became so popular that they created a TV show. And then after that, all the movies started coming out.

[52:12] Olaf Adsit: Yeah. I mean, every year earnest goes to camp, earnest saves Christmas.

[52:17] J.J. Gonzalez: Earnest goes to jail.

[52:19] Olaf Adsit: That's the one where he plays two characters.

[52:22] J.J. Gonzalez: Well, he plays a lot of different characters.

[52:25] Olaf Adsit: Like the guy breaks out of jail and then takes the place of earnest.

[52:30] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah.

[52:30] Olaf Adsit: Kind of looks like him. That's that one. I like that one.

[52:32] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah, yeah. I like a lot of them.

[52:35] Olaf Adsit: In all of them, it's like he has a split personality where he's almost a cartoon where he just is in a different costume and all these different characters of his are having a conversation.

[52:47] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah. Earnest scared stupid is of all of those earnest movies is my favorite.

[52:52] Olaf Adsit: And it's endearing.

[52:54] J.J. Gonzalez: Eartha Kitt plays this spooky old lady who she nails it perfectly.

[53:01] Olaf Adsit: And this is right before she did the voice for Emperor's New Groove.

[53:05] J.J. Gonzalez: Oh, yeah, yeah.

[53:07] Olaf Adsit: And you can really kind of see that character a little bit.

[53:10] J.J. Gonzalez: But she's not a villain in this movie. She's a good guy that helps teams up with earnest to save the town.

[53:18] Olaf Adsit: Right.

[53:18] J.J. Gonzalez: But I tell you what you watching this movie now. I'm like, I is so much fun to to watch again. It's very silly.

[53:26] Olaf Adsit: Jim Varney's just fantastic.

[53:29] J.J. Gonzalez: And for those for those that aren't of a certain age that don't know who earnest is and don't know Jim Varney is Jim Varney actually ended up voicing the slinky dog in Toy Story.

[53:39] Olaf Adsit: The first two Toy Story movies before he passed away.

[53:42] J.J. Gonzalez: They also say that he had a near genius IQ.

[53:47] Olaf Adsit: Yeah, that's what I've heard, too.

[53:48] J.J. Gonzalez: That guy was very smart and smart.

[53:52] Olaf Adsit: Yeah, super nice.

[53:54] J.J. Gonzalez: He was so nice and caring. Apparently, he was incredibly good friends with Robin Williams. They would both do a lot of charity work.

[54:02] Olaf Adsit: Yeah, no earnest.

[54:04] J.J. Gonzalez: I've heard I've heard that Jim Varney never missed an opportunity for like a make a wish person or anything like that. He would always be there to see people.

[54:15] Olaf Adsit: Yeah, no earnest is definitely encapsulates your child like any kid from the 80s childhood because he did so many of these movies and this character was he was in commercials and you did see him and they did sort of milk that cow.

[54:30] J.J. Gonzalez: But it was awesome. Like, you know, it's almost like simpler times type of feel when you think about his character and these movies because they were they were churning him out like every year.

[54:41] Olaf Adsit: He he was doing something different.

[54:43] J.J. Gonzalez: And they were all I liked. Ernest goes to camp. I liked Ernest saves Christmas.

[54:46] Olaf Adsit: Oh, same.

[54:48] J.J. Gonzalez: And the one where he goes to jail and then he and we're kind of going on this sort of Jim Varney sort of tangent here.

[54:53] Olaf Adsit: But he ended up I remember him in Beverly Hillbillies. He played Jed Clampett in the Beverly Hillbillies movie.

[54:56] J.J. Gonzalez: Well, he always said that that was one of his favorite shows was Beverly Hillbillies.

[55:04] Olaf Adsit: And the other thing is, is out of those nine earnest movies, despite this bombing in the box office is the most popular of the earnest movies.

[55:12] J.J. Gonzalez: Is it?

[55:12] Olaf Adsit: OK, I thought I thought Ernest goes to camp would probably be the most popular one.

[55:16] J.J. Gonzalez: But I thought it was Ernest saves Christmas.

[55:19] Olaf Adsit: But it's right. It's actually Ernest scared stupid.

[55:22] J.J. Gonzalez: I wonder I get it because I loved it. And when I was a kid, I have fond memories of watching it and laughing out loud at the TV.

[55:30] Olaf Adsit: And I wonder, does this does this get movie get played during the season? Like, does it end up on 31 days of Halloween?

[55:35] J.J. Gonzalez: I don't I don't either.

[55:38] Olaf Adsit: I mean, so much stuff has come out since this movie.

[55:42] J.J. Gonzalez: You know, sadly, I don't think the earnest movies really get much play anymore.

[55:47] Olaf Adsit: No, I don't think so, either.

[55:48] J.J. Gonzalez: I just didn't know if because this is a Halloween themed movie, if this one is getting out of the I'd have to be on the lookout because I don't think Ernest saves Christmas gets any sort of rotation either during the holiday season.

[55:59] Olaf Adsit: I don't know.

[55:59] J.J. Gonzalez: I would say if you've never seen it, it's silly and it's goofy and it's really geared towards kids.

[56:04] Olaf Adsit: Oh, yeah, all of those were.

[56:06] J.J. Gonzalez: But there's a lot to appreciate as an adult, especially if you know anything about Jim Varney.

[56:11] Olaf Adsit: And yeah, just watching him at his best with a character he's been doing for so long.

[56:20] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah, it's great.

[56:22] Olaf Adsit: He's smart. The jokes are dumb, but there's a level of intelligence that is underneath them.

[56:30] J.J. Gonzalez: I agree.

[56:31] Olaf Adsit: I just I love it.

[56:33] J.J. Gonzalez: Ernest. I love Ernest P. Worrell. I've always have always will.

[56:37] Olaf Adsit: And Ernest scared stupid is my my guilty pleasure.

[56:42] J.J. Gonzalez: Honestly, they're all guilty pleasure.

[56:44] Olaf Adsit: They are.

[56:44] J.J. Gonzalez: They are for sure.

[56:45] Olaf Adsit: But that that is your favorite of the guilty pleasure.

[56:48] J.J. Gonzalez: Ernest movies.

[56:49] Olaf Adsit: Yes.

[56:50] J.J. Gonzalez: Yeah. No, that's good.

[56:51] Olaf Adsit: That's a good one.

[56:52] J.J. Gonzalez: Ernest scared stupid just made the biggest impact.

[56:55] Olaf Adsit: Although Ernest saves Christmas was always a close second.

[56:58] J.J. Gonzalez: They were great.

[56:59] Olaf Adsit: Well, there you have it, everybody.

[57:00] J.J. Gonzalez: That is our three guilty pleasure movies for this episode.

[57:05] Olaf Adsit: If you haven't had an opportunity to take a listen to our other previous guilty pleasures, take a listen to those as well.

[57:10] J.J. Gonzalez: These are always fun for us. We hope you enjoy them, too.

[57:14] Olaf Adsit: We'll definitely be back with some more later on.

[57:18] J.J. Gonzalez: Until then, to be continued.

[57:24] Johnny Clay: Back to the Movie Theater is hosted by J.J. Gonzalez and Olaf Adsit.

[57:29] Johnny Clay: Produced by me, Johnny Clay, J.J. Gonzalez and Olaf Adsit.

[57:33] Johnny Clay: Theme song and incidental music by The Dimes.

[57:36] Johnny Clay: Visit us at BTTMTPodcast.com for trivia, play alongs, merch and more.

[57:43] Johnny Clay: That's BTTMTPodcast.com.

[57:46] Johnny Clay: Follow us on Instagram and TikTok and find us on YouTube at Back to the Movie Theater with J.J. and Olaf.